Reach For The Skies ~ Patrick

[Brodie Dhonchaindh]

I wanna have the same last dream again,
the one where I wake up and I'm alive.

[/color][/blockquote][/ul]

Just as the four walls close me within,
My eyes are opened up with pure sunlight.

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[Patrick Stump]

NOW I'M GREATLY ACCEPTED IN THE MIND
SO I'M CONFUSED AND INTERTWINED FROM BEING REJECTED SO MANY TIMES

Patrick groaned, pushing himself to sit up in the bunk. "Ulgh", the sound puffed out at the end of a sigh and he stood up, bracing himself with the wall as he stood there. His head throbbed, as it always did when he woke up, an unwelcome feeling. He ruffled his hair and slipped on his shoes before walking to the front of the bus, looking around, and shrugging at the realization that Pete, Joe, and Andy had left. Oh well, it's not like it really mattered. The three of them knew that Patrick wasn't going to go anywhere, so there wasn't really a point in asking him if he wanted to come with them. He yawned, walking back to the bunks and picking up his Clandestine hat off of the floor and neatly pulling it onto his head. He smoothed out his shirt, pulling it down as he opened the fridge and grabbed his half-drank bottle of water out of it. Carelessly he spun the cap off, flinging it onto the couch and taking a drink of the water. He shrugged to himself and made his way back to the bunk, flopping down on it.

Yawning, he glanced over at his guitar cases, the two that he'd kept by the bunks for the past few days, playing them whenever he really found the inspiration, or the physical wellness to. Quite a few times when he'd gone to play, just tapping the strings would send a searing pain in his head, and everything would become dizzy. He tapped the bunk, drumming his fingers on the edge. There really wasn't much to do, and he was still to tired to play guitar, he'd probably just end up dropping it. His attention shot to the front of the bus as a soft knocking echoed through, and he was quite hesitant to get up, figuring that it was just a medic trying to get him to talk. He waited a moment, hoping that whoever it was would just go away, but a tinge of curiosity forced him to get up and walk to the window, and he peeked out, searching for who was knocking at the door.

He gasped slightly, eyes widening, and he rushed to the door, inhaling deeply and resting his hand on the door for a moment before opening it. Finally the worry he'd been carrying around since the day of "the fight" flooded away, and he smiled, glancing from the ice cream to the bass. He gave a slight nod and his smile broke into a grin. "Hey" Voice a bit raspy from just waking up, and he yawned, rubbing the back of his neck as he did so. For a moment, he stood there, silent, then quickly backed up from the door. "Oh- uhm, sorry, come on in." He blushed, a bit embarrassed that he was being so rude. Taking another step back, he sat down on the couch, his water bottle in hand, and grabbed his cap- screwing it back onto the bottle.

[/center]

[Brodie Dhonchaindh]

I'm the first to know,
my dearest friends,
even if your hope has burned with time.

[/color]

[/b] A moments silence as she stepped on to the bus looked at the ice cream, then at Patrick. "I'm sorry..." She told him quietly. "I'm really sorry...that because of me you ended up hurt." It was the truth, she was sorry that he got hurt because of her fight, that he got hurt because of her, if it wasn't for Brodie everyone would have been fine. Pete and Will wouldn't have been in that car crash and Patrick would be fine. "I know...its no way to say sorry..but I don't think I can make up for it...you got hurt and thats unacceptable I know that...but...I figured you were feeling a little down...and Deryck used to always buy me ice cream when I was upset...so I though....you might like it too." God Brodie felt sick at how childish she sounded. Like a little kid...but really thats all she was. When you took away the drugs and the music she was just a kid, maybe nineteen. But she still acted like a kid.[/blockquote][/ul][/color]

Anything that's dead shall be re-grown,
And your vicious pain, your warning sign,
You will be fine.

[/size]

[Patrick Stump]

ON THE WINDOWS IN MY MIND AT NIGHT
THERE'S SOMETHINGS GOING ON, SOME OF THEM ARE NOT RIGHT

Patrick stood up again, the smile still on his lips. It hurt to smile, it really did, even talking made the bruise ache and become quite sore. He carefully took the ice cream from her, staring at it for a moment, then looking up at her. "Haha, Thanks" He chuckled and put it into the small freezer beneath the fridge, still holding onto his water bottle. He sneered slightly at what she'd said as he walked back over toward the couch, standing in front of her. "It's not your fault." His voice was a bit stern, but softened. "I know what I did. If I hadn't meant what I'd done, then I would've just stood there and watched you get slugged in the face. I just.. couldn't do that." He blinked, watching her for a moment. It was a bit strange, considering that he had known basically nothing about her at the time. Still, he just couldn't stand around and watch her get in a fight with some guy that was twice her their size.

He shrugged slightly, glancing to his shoes. "I'm sorry I didn't do anything..." Without looking up, he swallowed hard, still staring at the floor. "I could've done something to try and stop it all. But I didn't, cause I was..... scared." There. He admitted it. The entire hour or so he'd spent with her that day, he'd been terrifyed through it all. He didn't have any idea what to do then, and if he was in the same position now, and the same situation rolled around, he probably wouldn't know what to do then either. A smile, and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, squeezing her gently for a side hug. Not purposely trying to change the subject, he glanced at the bass, and stared at it for a moment. "Whatcha got?"

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[Brodie Dhonchaindh]

Any type of love - it will be shown,
like every single tree reach for the sky.

[/color]

[/b] She told him as she dug her hand in to the back pocket of her jeans, looking at the scraps of paper with lyrics scribbled all over them.

She put them back and sat the bass down and looked round, she spotted her stuff and she smiled. "I can't really play, still hurts my hand." She stated looking down at the large cut on the palm of her right hand. "But it doesn't stop me trying." She said with a slight laugh. She dug in to her bag, her hand touching a book and for a moment she just stopped, she couldn't believe she still had it. Brodie had honestly forgotten it existed. She pulled the book out and smiled slightly, she just laid her hand on the book and paused, looking up at Patrick.

"HA, can't believe I have this...it's the photo diary from out first tour...before everything...kinda went down hill." By that she meant before the drugs became a problem. She opened the cover and looked at the piece of paper.

The crowd yelled for the band on stage, screaming and chanting away in the small New York bar that really she was too young to be in anyway. The crowd jolted her back and forth but Brodie stood there in wonder, watching the guy play and sing, her eyes flickered to the bassist - he had so much energy Brodie told herself when she played she would be like that. The paper ticket still in her hand she slipped it in to her pocket and preserved it. A smile, she promised herself when she was famous, and so were these guys, that she would find them and give them this ticket. The fact that she had kept it would tell them how much it had an effect on her.

Brodie never actually thought that would happen, but look at them now. She picked the ticket up and looked at the red paper for a moment, reading what the faded ink said.

"Underground Night Presents:
Friday First, What The Dead Don't Know, Serenity and
Fall Out Boy
At Clyde City Bar, NYC
26th of November 2003
Doors open at 18.00

She looked up at him and smiled, handing it to him. "I've been meaning to give this back to you for a while."
[/blockquote][/ul][/color]

If you're gonna fall,
I'll let you know,
that I will pick you up
like you for I,

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[Patrick Stump]

I'VE BEEN LOCKED IN THIS HOUSE, IN THIS ABUSIVE HOME
NO ONE IS THERE ON THE COUCH AND I'M ALONE

Patrick gazed down at the piece of paper she'd handed him, staring at it in awe. November of 2003... He'd only been nineteen at the time. Four years ago. Four, long years ago. They were still young then, still trying to get by. Now look where they were. Four years. So short- yet so long, and such a big difference between then and now. He couldn't help but grin. That silly little piece of paper, bringing back so many memories. So many good times they'd had, traveling the country in a little van- sleeping on their equipment. The stupid things they'd done, the parties, getting kicked out of venues. He shook his head, still smiling, and glanced up at Brodie. "Why?" He questioned, laughing slightly. It was funny, how a simple little piece of paper, could remind him of so much.

He shook his head again, staring down at it. Carelessly he shoved his glasses back up onto his nose, then ruffled his hair slightly, and pulled his hat further down on his head. 2003. The year they recorded Take This To Your Grave, the year that Pete had written all the songs for that record, except for a select few. Saturday, the cheesy song that Patrick had written, that really had no big signifigance on the record, but meant everything to them. The song, now, that they ended every show with. Simply, incrediable.

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[Brodie Dhonchaindh]

I felt this thing,
I can't replace.

[/color]

[/b] She stopped for a moment, realizing just how much influence Deryck had on her, how much he still did. He had been her best friend, more than a friend for a long time...and now that was all gone. She looked down at the book, flicked though a couple of pages and looked down at the pictures, the scrap pages of newspapers, reviews, photos from gigs, stupid little things that really meant nothing now. It was just a reminder of what had happened. What she had become.


"I was only fifteen. I stood in that bar, and watched you guys...and I thought, 'if I can play with half that energy...then we might become something." She said quietly but somewhere sadly. "I promised that when I made it, with my band, and when you guys made it. I would come and find you and give you it back...because...I know this sounds silly...but like...I wanted to be like that, I wanted to be in a band that made music like you guys...you were an influence." She said just as quietly again, looking down at the book and not at Patrick. "I wanted to be like you. Cept that kinda went wrong...and I got caught up in things I shouldn't have. It just started out...with a pill every now and then when the touring started to get too much, then it went out of control. It wasn't meant to happen like that...but it did and I screwed thing up royally. So I guess. In a way...I'm trying to make up for things now. Thats why I'm going clean now. I'm going to do it properly. I want to be a musician and not a rock star. There's a difference between the two. Thats what Pete said...you can't be both." Brodie was rambling again she knew that much, she sighed slightly, still not looking up at Patrick.

"So I'll do it right this time."
[/blockquote][/ul][/color]

Where everyone was working for this goal.

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[Patrick Stump]

INSIDE OF MY HEAD, THINGS ARE UNCLEAR
I DON'T RELY ON THE PERSON I SEE IN THE MIRROR

He was still grinning, staring down at the ticket, and sighed before looking up again. Slowly he sighed, nodding his head every once in a while. It was strange, he'd heard nearly the same thing from so many fans, and it never seemed to get old, but he couldn't help but smile as she said it. Fall Out Boy had been an influence to lots of people, inspiration, which made it even more pleasing to make music- and it created it's own little cycle. He gazed down at the book she was holding in her hands, but still didn't speak, just listened to what she had to say. His smile slowly faded, eyes locked on the book. A small side step and he shifted his weight, gaze wavering between Brodie and the item in her hands. He was curious, of course, but decided against asking her what it was, or perhaps what was in it. It wasn't really any of his business, but he couldn't help but wonder.

Patrick nodded in agreement with her last few statements, and hugged her, holding her tightly for a moment before letting go. "Thats tough." His voice was quiet, lowered, as if someone who they didn't want to, was listening. "You're strong Brodie- you really are. Whether you believe it or not, you always have been." He smiled and patted her shoulder before letting his arms drop down to his sides. "You always have been..." His smile faded and he glanced to the floor, his voice no louder than a whisper. His thoughts flashed back to the night of "the fight", him protecting her, whatever you want to call it- and for whatever reason his grin reappeared. Sure it wasn't something to be happy about, but if that hadn't happened, if she hadn't run in to him, perhaps they wouldn't be standing here, in Fall Out Boy's tour bus, talking like they were good old friends. Truth be told they didn't know much about each other, maybe thats what made him feel so close to her. He'd already taken a couple punches for her, maybe it'd be something stronger next time. If there was a next time. He glanced down at his hands, faintly remembering sitting in the chair with blood coated hands, the image fuzzy- but burned in his mind. Maybe Pete and Brodie were worried about it, he knew they probably blamed themselves, but he had no regrets. None, because there wasn't much a point. He'd done what he needed to, and for some reason at the time, he'd felt the need to protect her.

[Brodie Dhonchaindh]

Where all the children left with out a trace.

[/b] She told him. "I'm not strong. I lie. I lie to everyone including myself." Why the hell was she talking to him like this! "I...I'm most insecure person you'll ever meet, but I cover it all up, I had to...I had to grow up quickly and I learned that to make it though things, you just had to be the biggest kid around. I was a little shit...still am in so many ways. I'm not strong, never have been...just scared enough to always fight."
[/blockquote][/ul][/color]

Only to come back as pure as Gold.
To recite this all.

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[Patrick Stump]

AND I DON'T DIE FOR THE CHANCE TO BE STANDING HERE
SOMETIMES I'M A SMART ASS WHEN BEING SINCERE

Patrick stayed silent and sat down on the couch, his elbows digging into his knees, his chin propped up in his palm. His fingers were parted, pressed against his face, green eyes staring between his pinky and ring finger. He would've said something, he wasn't ignoring her, he was just... distracted. Horribly distracted. How could he have screamed at Pete like that? He had no reason to, Pete had done and said worse things, but Patrick still didn't yell. He was just on the breaking point. No, he was past it, he was literally busting down inside, everything was buckling. He closed his eyes for a few moments, his breathing becoming a bit shaky. "I yelled at him." Whether or not she knew who he was talking about, he wasn't sure, but he figured she had a pretty good idea. "I... I yelled at him..." He tucked his head toward his chest and stared at the ground, his fingers laced, pushing down on the top of his hat- putting pressure on his head. "I shouldn't have. I just- exploded..." He didn't look up at her, he stared at the floor, still trying to comprehend what had happened earlier that day.

But it was still hazy, like a dream, and he just couldn't believe he'd done it. Patrick closed his eyes tightly, holding his breath, just listening to his heart pound in his ears. The tour bus was so... dead. It just felt dead. Andy and Joe were off doing their own thing at the merch tents, and Pete was... who knows where. He inhaled sharply, the breath becoming a slight gasp as he finally let go of the breath he'd been holding in. Sometimes, in times like these, he really wondered if it was all worth it. He'd pissed off Pete, perhaps even ripped the band apart. All because of him. "It's.. all. my. fault." He stared forward, the realization hitting him like bricks. It had been all his fault. All from the beginning. If he hadn't gotten in the fight, if he hadn't been moping for the past few days, if he hadn't flipped out on Pete. If he hadn't flipped out on Pete. Slowly he slid his hat off his head and ruffled his hair a bit, messy locks falling in front of his face, his vision blurred. Everything was blurry. Not just his covered eye sight, but everything that meant anything to him. He'd practically chased away one of the people he was closest to- destroyed a relationship that meant everything. Without Fall Out Boy- he wasn't sure what he'd do. These were the years, where if he had gone on in school, he'd be in college.

And when it came down to it, if it wasn't for Fall Out Boy, he really wasn't sure what he'd be doing. Perhaps something in music, perhaps not. He'd only been seventeen when they'd decided on starting Fall Out Boy- just gotten out of high school. There wasn't anything else he wanted to do. He wanted to be with the same people he was now, doing the same thing they had for six years. Now, it was so possible that he destroyed all of that. He'd yelled at Pete for blaming himself for everything. Too bad he couldn't practice what he preached. Then, maybe, he wouldn't feel so bad. Then- just maybe- he wouldn't feel like the world was crushing him. With out Pete... Patrick had none of the courage he did. Pete was his other half, the half he couldn't live without. Now he just felt like one teeny-tiny person. One small person.

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[Brodie Dhonchaindh]

Hey, oh, here I am,
and here we go, life's waiting to begin.

[/b] She said very quietly. "That when you're in such close quarters with someone so much, even with your best friends, your bound to lost your temper sometimes. It shows your human and thats a good thing, thats a very good thing. But he'll know that, and he will come around...maybe he's just a little shocked, a little upset but he will come back...he seems to me...like a person who needs a little time alone sometimes. But he'll come back Patrick. He knows where his home is and its here with you guys." Brodie didn't know if any of her words meant anything to him. They most probably didn't and she felt like she was talking to a brick wall but she hoped he was listening, and he took part of it in.

"Your home...is where your heart is...its cliched I know, but it's true. His heart is in this band. He'll get over it and when he does he'll be back here leaving smelly socks on the floor and Joe will be throwing his computer in the trash again in no time."

Well wasn't she the little optimistic.[/blockquote][/ul][/color]

Hey, oh, here I am,
and here we go, life's waiting to begin.

[/color][/size]

[Patrick Stump]

I'M IN TOUCH WITH MY FEAR, THAT'S WHY I STAY AFRAID
AND I'LL STAY THAT WAY UNTIL NIGHT TURNS TO DAY

Patrick sighed, covering his eyes with his hands and holding his head up. Everything was pretty much over. Say good bye to the band, say good bye to Joe and Andy, say good bye to life as he currently knew it. The luxury, the fame, it was all over. All because of him. He'd fucked it up majorly this time and he wasn't really sure if he could fix it. He didn't have a clue where Pete was. Or else he'd go begging on his hands and knees for Pete to forgive him- even though Patrick wasn't really sure if he would. Right now, Patrick wasn't even ready to forgive himself for what he'd done.

The silence engulfed them both for a while, and he really wasn't sure what to say. He sat there, frozen still as she hugged him, staring at the floor. What had he done?? What had he done. He rubbed his eyes after she let go of him, his loose red hair falling in front of his face. He held his hat in his hands, staring down at the bat logo. Calmly, carelessly, Patrick watched it slide out of his hands and hit the floor between his feet, green stare never leaving it as it loosely slumped over. He shook his head, barely a shake, before closing his eyes again. Magic. Open them and everything would be okay again.

He opened his mouth to speak, to reply to what she had said, but nothing came out. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath, his voice trembling as he finally spoke. "I shouldnt... I shouldn't have yelled... I just..." Searching for the right words to say, he shook his head in disagreement. "I told him I was done... Done with what? I don't know. I was just.. so.. frustrated." His chest jerked as he gasped to breathe a bit, his voice becoming dry and a bit raspy and he buried his face into his hands. "I ruined it. It's all over. The band is over. It's all my fault." All three of them blamed themselves for things that had happened over the past few days, and perhaps each thing was each their fault in their own way. But now- this was entirely on him. If the band broke up, it'd be all his fault. No one else to blame but Patrick. They'd worked so hard to get where they were and now he destroyed everything.
I'm sorry. I disappointed you again.

[/center]

[Brodie Dhonchaindh]

hey, oh, here I am,
and here we go, life's waiting to begin.

[/b] she told him simply with a slight sight. "It's what you do, listen it's...normal for people to have a little tiff every now and then. It's like...comunication." She said trying to explain this the best she could but she had a feeling she wasn't coming across very well. Brodie wasn't all that good with words when she was talking to someone, give her a bass and a piece of paper and she could write a song like none other, but speaking to people, like this, with emotion and a heart was a difficult thing. she didn't know how to get her point across really and she had no idea how she was meant to tell him that he wasn't at fault. That the band wasn't going to break up because of this or because of him. but understandably he was worried and she could tell.

"Patrick...christ I'm shit with words I would sing you something if I could sing...but that would send you in to a come - seriously I've been told I could be used as a weapon of mass destruction." A little smiled creped on her lips as she joked, trying to cheer Patrick up slightly but she didn't think it would work. "What I am trying to tell you...fuck...I can't find the right words..." She mumbled quietly as she sunk in to the floor and looked at it a moment before looking at him again. "What I mean is..." She tried again stumbling over her words. "Is that fights are normal and no ones leaving the fucking band and your not going to split up and your not at fault, it's just a lot has happened and people need a little space and time to just get their heads around it. You get me?"

Well she really had no idea what else to say.
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I cannot live, I can't breathe
unless you do this with me
I cannot live, I can't breathe
unless you do this with me

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[Patrick Stump]

AND THEM NICE WORDS YOU SAY WILL SLOWLY MUTATE
AND BECOME THE BETTER PART OF YOU WE ALL LOVE TO HATE

Patrick stood up. He couldn't stand sitting anymore. He was freaking out- emotions twisting and breaking inside of him. He just felt like running and hiding like a scared little kid. Hide under the covers and block the world out. Never get out of bed 'cause the monster under it might just grab his ankles and try to pull him under. His pacing stopped, and he stared at the door leading to the bunks. The one he'd gone through earlier that day. The one he'd practically slammed in Pete's face. It was quite sometime, just staring at that door in silence, the entire scene playing over and over in his head. The water bottle was still on the floor, nearly empty, a drying wet spot on the rug where it had leaked. Hesitantly Patrick turned, facing Brodie, pain settling in his eyes. He was just so frustrated... so stressed out.

He'd already taken it out on Pete, he was practically taking it out on her to. Turning, he started pacing again, a small area, only a few steps worth- just walking in circles. Anything to keep his mind busy. "It's just... We've gone through things that seem so much worse than this. One hundred fucking thousand times worse. But I just can't-" His sentences were always being left unfinished. His struggling voice left hanging in the air until the tour bus died in silence. A tour bus that used to be filled with laughter while playing Pictionary or singing- joking around or fighting over which Star Wars movie to watch. Life that felt like it'd never return. Did Joe and Andy even have a clue? Or were they off joking around having fun at the tents, totally oblivious to what had happened between Patrick and Pete. He silently begged that it was the latter of the two, hoping that they were being carefree and having fun- signing autographs and pleasing fans while Pete and Patrick suffered a deathly silence between each other. Quietly he turned, his body stiff in place as he stared down at Brodie, his feet barely an inch apart from each other, his breathing halted for that second.

Of course he knew she was trying to cheer him up and that made him feel even worse. He figured it was more complicated than she knew, and even though he somewhat wanted to tell her exactly the way things went, he didn't think he could. Brodie was still pretty much a stranger, even though she felt so close. With her, Pete and Patrick had gone through things that they had with each other quite a few years ago. Perhaps different circumstances, two things were never exactly the same, but there was always a time that Patrick could relate it to. Always a time with Pete. The good or the bad. The happy or the miserable. He wouldn't have had it any other way.

[/center]

[Brodie Dhonchaindh]

Do you hear me out there I can hear you.
I got you I can hear you alright.
This is so strange.

[/color]

[/b] She snapped at him more aggressively than she had meant to but the fact of the matter was she was pissed off with him. Here he was moaning because he had a fight with Pete - big fucking deal if they were such good friends then they would make up and forgive each other if they came to their senses and realized what a great thing they had. "Your both acting like a fucking married couple cut it out!"

Oh no.

"I tried nicely to get you to see that if you two are such fucking good friends like you make yourselves out to be then you'll make up!" She found herself raising her voice slightly she didn't know how to get though to him, she was more frustrated with herself than him, frustrated as to why her words hadn't worked. "Stop acting like immature fucking." A deep breath as she ranted on now starting to sound more upset than angry with him. "You both have so fucking much and you don't realize it!" Brodie was struggling to keep herself from getting up and storming off and towing a tantrum some where, but she found her self really just not having the energy to get up after this. She couldn't yell at him nd lose her temper and make her actions match it any more. The withdrawal was sucking her angry and she would rather yell at Patrick as nasty as that sounds then go break some thing because it might make him listen.

"Do either of you know what its really like to fuck up ever friendship you have ever had? do you know what its like for the man you loved to give up on you? You really know fucking nothing do you Patrick? Pete is you fucking friend and one heat of the moment over tired argument isn't going to change that. So will the both of you stop acting like kids and behave like the fucking adults you are! Even the kids in my care center weren't as fucking stupid as you two!

And she finally stopped, took a deep breath and realized what she had said.

Oh shit.

Oh no what the hell had she done? Now she was sure Patrick was going to slap her and chuck her off the bus and Pete would find out and of course Pete would flip out and probably beat her ass. She looked away, this time finding herself close to tears because she couldn't believe she had just let on so much in so few sentiences. A deep breath she just waiting for him to flip.
[/blockquote][/ul][/color]

I want to wish for something new,
This is the scariest thing I've ever done in my life,
Who do we think we are?

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